Honesty: The Best Policy

I’ve been hesitating to write this post.

Mostly because of my 2nd to last post.

I can feel myself slipping. I’m stating to track less and less, especially after dinner.

I haven’t felt like cooking all weekend. And I haven’t been cooking all weekend.

I’ve been making frozen pizzas and ordering take out.

I’ve been trying to harden my resolve. To push my willpower to its limits.

But I just can’t seem to care. Which is ridiculous, because it’s not like I’m not making progress.

And it’s DEFINITELY not that I am not motivated by my progress. I am.

But I think it’s more so how much I am unmotivated by my lack of progress.

My husband took a picture of my back this weekend, and when I looked at it, I cringed.

It wasn’t pretty. And it made me feel like all of my dieting and exercising and tracking has been for nothing.

67 days – for nothing?

It’s terrible that I feel that way! I should be proud of my progress and of my commitment.

But I’m just not. I’m still not “thin.” I still don’t look the way I think I should, so it leaves me just so frustrated.

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Lent Begins

Ash Wednesday.

The start of sacrifice and reflection.

I’ll be honest – last year I skipped this part of the holiday.

I ignored it and coddled myself by saying I was “too busy.”

I understand what a load of crock that was.

So – this year, I’m giving up my snooze button.

It is one of the most selfish and hurtful things I do to myself.

I sleep. Always. As much as I can.

I stopped getting up and reading my Bible.

I stopped getting up and clearing my head.

I stopped getting up and working out.

I stopped getting up and making my hardworking husband breakfast and lunch.

I just slept. Overslept, actually.

And then I rushed.

And then I was cranky.

And so I am giving up my snooze button. So that I can be better prepared for my day.

So I can be more patient with others.

So I can be more loving to my friends and coworkers and strangers.

So I can get my workouts done first thing.

So I can feel accomplished.

So I can show my love for my husband through little actions.

5am doesn’t seem so bad anymore…

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Two Steps Forward and One Step Back

I’ve been making progress.

25lbs has turned into 30lbs.

Tracking my food has become a mindless habit.

Picking wholeful foods has become more a hobby than a burden.

Not to say I don’t have setbacks.

Like today, I’m not tracking or counting anything.

But –  I think it’s good to have a cheat day. Which isn’t to say I’m stuffing my face, I’m just not tracking the exact intake.

And last week, I had a tailbone injury and didn’t work out once. But I’m back at it this week. And it wasn’t hard to get back into the swing of it.

I feel like I’m becoming better prepared, like I’ve finally figured it out.

It feels so good.

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25!

As of this morning, I’ve lost 25lbs!

It’s a pretty big milestone and quiet a motivator.

However, I have to say. It is a little depressing to know that still, at my current weight, I’m only back to where I started.

But – I shouldn’t let that deter me. Right?

In other news – I’ve picked up a weight training regime.

I really, really like it. So, I bought some Select Tech weights as a reward. /smiles/

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Come Back to Me

5am.

That’s what my alarm clock is set for.

Has been for awhile.

And I use to do so good about getting up with it.

And working out. And feeling accomplished before the day had really even begun.

Pfft. It still goes off.

At 5am.

and again at 5:15am.

and a third time at 5:30am.

Before I finally shove my phone under my pillow and sleep until the hubby kisses me goodbye.

And then I’m late.

It’s not like this has happened a handful of times.

This happens, basically, every morning for the first 30 days of my 2014.

The stupid thing is, I remember how I felt getting up early every morning. How much better my day was.

But damn. Try telling my unconscious sleep zombie that. Curled up in my pillows and blankets snuggling my puppy and my husband.

sigh

There’s always tomorrow.

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